This past month my "last best friend" got married. It was quite the wedding that you can read about here. It's been an interesting year living with Mandi and watching her fall in love with Travis and all that comes with that. One of the things I was really thinking about her wedding weekend as she got married, was this blog post. You see, Mandi was beautiful. And she is beautiful in tons of ways, but her wedding weekend I feel like I really saw what God's been teaching me for a while. Mandi was beautiful because she was being who God had designed her to be. Now before I go off talking about Mandi, I'm going to reel it back in.
Learning what it means to be a woman has been a long process and I think I'm 1/100 of the way to actually understanding. So if you're 2/100 of the way in this process, help a sister out! You see most of this process has been a dialogue of sorts between me and the Lord. There have been some needed lessons taught to me by my community as well. Learning how I relate to Jesus as a woman has been a lot bigger issue than I'd have ever thought. Recently, a dear friend asked me why it even matters that I understand who I am as a woman, and I've thought about that some since then.
God created man in His own image, male and female. Two primary distinctions. Not God created man in His own image, introverted and extroverted/ tall and short/ Caucasian and Hispanic. These distinctions all exist, but are not the distinctions that were made. I think understanding who we are in a very basic sense as male or female plays a huge role into how we connect and interact with God and how we understand ourselves. So seeking to understand what "woman" means will result in a better understanding of who God is, how to connect with Him, and how to understand yourself.
As I've sought to understand myself, I've realized I tend to be labeled as an initiator or a leader. Those are not bad qualities, but the heart and motivation behind those can be unhealthy. You see, if I am initiating relationships with people or leading people for the sake of keeping them at a distance and managing them or seeking to control them, then I am in the wrong. I honestly believe manipulative control is the basic sin bent of women.
Something God has shown me over the last few months is this. In a very simplified explanation, in the garden, Eve took on the role of the man. She initiated and took control. He passively allowed that to happen. And thus we live in a mess of things that look really similar to that initial botched job in the garden. Eve was created to be a receiver and a helper. Adam was to be the leader and initiator. And they reversed that and thus set the tone for the rest of mankind.
I think it's key here to note that women can be leaders and women do initiate relationships. In fact, I am one of those women. God has created me with a personality defined by being a "leader" and "initiator". I am not suggesting that my personality should change, but that my motivation should. If I am finding my worth in Christ and who He says that I am, then I will act out of that. For instance, Christ says that I am righteous because of what He did on the cross. Therefore, I no longer have a need to earn my worth or value by seeking the approval of others, which is oftentimes found for women through manipulative control. I lead because I am loved by Christ. I initiate love and relationships with others because Christ has initiated a relationship with me and I have responded to that. It is a matter of the heart. Are you receiving the love of Jesus and then acting upon that? -OR- Are you forgoing the love of Jesus in order to find worth and value in what you can get from others? The actions can look similar, but the motivation and heart behind it all is completely different.
So back to Mandi. What made Mandi beautiful that weekend (aside from her huge smile, beautiful hair, and the way she rocked that Chinese ebay dress)? I believe it was that she finally chose to receive the love Travis had been putting out there for the last year. He has pursued her and waited for her and then pursued her some more, and you could tell that Saturday that she was choosing to receive that love and walk in it.
Currently, when I am embracing my design as a woman, I am choosing to be a woman of receptivity. That I am receiving both the love of God and the love of others. I am not required to be in control, but rather to respond to the initiation of my true Bridegroom. We choose to trust Him, to believe His love is best, and receive it. Eve was created to be the receiver and instead took up controller/leader. I fight that same battle daily, but am finding so much freedom and truth in allowing myself to be a receiver of the love of Jesus.
