Killing the Dream of "Mr. Perfect" to Make Room for "Mr. Right"

So if Mr. Right reads my blogs, he's definitely freaked out after one of my latest blog posts. I mean seriously, I said that to a guy in a message. I even went back and found it for some friends the other night because that's how brutally vulnerable I feel like being these days. I don't have a plan for these blogs, but more stuff keeps coming, so take your seat at the kitchen table for this conversation. You may want to bring your hand-written notecard with "qualities you want in a husband" because we're going to work. 

I distinctly remember when I realized what I'm about to share. A guy friend and I were on a road trip and somehow we started talking about guys that I've liked. I was explaining to my friend what I've liked about different guys at different times and the qualities in them I wasn't as attracted to. I started picking different qualities from different guys and explaining how I'd like a guy with all of these hand-picked qualities in one. That's when it hit me. 

The "Mr. Right" I was hoping for was actually "Mr. Perfect"…

I had literally hand-picked the best qualities from some incredible men I know and tossed away their humanness, creating  impossible expectations for a man to live up to. Now I don't think creating a list is wrong, in and of itself. It helps with learning how to at least think through what qualities are indicative of a man who loves Jesus. It's when those qualities and lists grow a mile long and include ridiculous things. So just for kicks, I asked my roommates, what are some of those things you've said, "He couldn't be ______" or "He couldn't have ______." Now these are a random assortment of things my roommates and I have thought… and YES, these are real… I cut out the "ridiculous" ones. 

Couldn't be a businessman. 

Couldn't drive anything but a truck. 

Couldn't have bad breath. (like ever???)

Couldn't misspell words frequently. 

Couldn't have an accent. (that's right, he CAN'T have an accent)

Couldn't be clean cut/preppy. 

Couldn't have an inability to use tech devices. aka, must be able to use tech devices. 

Hilarious? Painful? Ridiculous? Serious? Yes… all of the above. Good thing we had lots of laughs over what has been true in our lives. If you want more fun, try to guess which roommate said which qualities. You can come over for tea and discuss this with us if you so choose. 

So after this realization of needing to distinguish "Mr. Right" from "Mr. Perfect", our discussions have led to me having these three thoughts:

1. Be honest with yourself. 

You know you have this picture in your head, probably similar to Noah from the Notebook depicting what you hope will happen to you. And you know you want you stinking foot to pop, like hers does in Princess Diaries. And you know that you wanna sing "Bennie and the Jets" with a guy like she does on 27 dresses. You know you want to. So stop lying to me. 

2. Be realistic. 

People aren't perfect. In all actuality, I think imperfections are one of the greatest glimpses into a person's character. Paul himself said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." We all have weaknesses and faults and that is the beauty of the Gospel… While we were YET sinners, Christ died for us… 

3. Have standards, not expectations. 

Woe is me, for I am a woman with high expectations… This is what I realized through this whole saga. What were originally solid, worthwhile standards, over time grew and expanded to became over-the-top unattainable expectations. So I have started to "cut the fat" and keep it simple when it comes to standards. And have an open mind (now that could be an entire post). 

Don't you love hanging out at our kitchen table? Would you like more hot tea? PaToya has her cinnamon goodness that she is willing to share. ;) 

3 years later...

Today marks three years since I finished the Forge. Sitting in my living room in Austin with two of my roommates, also Forge sisters, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. There are times in life that are milestones, people that are rocks, and lessons that are the foundation upon which you build your life. The Forge was a time filled with people and lessons that have literally changed my life. I can say that three years later. When you quote things you heard, or relive moments in order to glean the lessons to apply them to your days years after-the-fact… that's when you know you've experienced something different. 

The Forge is a "resident discipleship program designed to develop followers and prepare leaders for a lifetime of good works." Based on this description from the Pine Cove website, I can honestly say I learned more of how to be a follower of Jesus through this program. I also learned more of what it means for me, Kimberly, to be a leader and what it looks like to live out the identity I have because of Christ. 

I could write about the lessons I learned from the Forge. I could write about the amazing teaching and trips. I could write about the sweet additions to my book collection that I gleaned, but no. None of that. I'm more than willing to share these things, but tonight, I'm going to write about what means the most to me from my Forge experience, my family. It's been said that the Forge is an 8-month pre-marital counseling session with 24 individuals. I've never done pre-marital, but I do think I could answer those types of questions for most of the 24. That's intense. 

As I just realized, in August it will be at least four years that I've known this group of people. That's crazy! We are like long-term friends! Who knew?! But in all seriousness, I'm grateful beyond words for my Forge Family. We have been through a lot together, but more than the pain and hardship and things we've had to endure, we've experience love and what it feels like to know one another and be known. 

The love of Jesus pursues. The love of Jesus is unmerited. It's the love of Jesus that permeates this community. 

to my Dearest Forge Brothers, 

I don't think I could write what you guys mean to me without crying. You all have spoken more Truth and identity and honesty into my life than I'd ever have thought I needed to hear. On almost a daily basis, things reverberate through my heart and mind about things specifically spoken from your mouth's. When I look at our world and want to grow angry and frustrated with the lack of male leadership, I think of y'all and I have hope. Y'all are men. Strong, humble, capable men who lead like nobody's business. 

God knew when he put me in a group with you all that I needed to see that there were men my age who I respect and would follow. Y'all are those men. I hear wisdom and encouragement and am challenged by you all. I can be myself and feel no shame. I know that is the case for my sister's as well. God has used you all to be a source of healing to the women in our family and now for many of you in your marriage's. I'm so grateful to call you all family. 

and to my Beautiful Forge Sisters, 

I think back to the meeting we had in the downstairs girls, you know the one where Ashton came in upset… and then we had a come-to-Jesus moment followed by confession. Or the circle on the floor at Bethel in the spring where the Holy Spirit shouted things from my mouth. I'm honored to know each of you. 

I think about honesty and vulnerability and know that when I saw that in our group of women, it helped me to believe it could be done. That honesty in community is reproducible. I also think about all the things you all walked with me through. You all have seen a lot of my issues and know them all too well, and love me. Goodness, you all love so well. Y'all are patient, grace-filled women, who are powerhouses for the Gospel. Each of you in your own ways (which I'm grateful for) speak the Gospel with intensity. 

I'm thinking I should start a match-making service because I know some of the MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORETTES in the USA, if not the world. I'm serious. Grace-filled. Patient. God fearing. Discipleship-minded. Community tested and approved. and down right BEAUTIFUL. Guys, I have their numbers and am so not afraid to give them out (within reason). 

I got sidetracked… so to sum up. Three years after the Forge… I still LOVE my Forge Family. Some of my favorite people in the world. Tonight, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude because Jesus has allowed me to be loved and known through this community.