When Singleness Blogs Change to Dating Blogs...

First, I apologize. No blog in three months?! I'll make up for it! Promise. :) As I wrote the blogs about singleness that I did over the last few months, I thought it a privilege to be able to talk about what God was teaching me and had taught me through such a wonderful season of life. Such as how to change my expectations, how to use my time wisely and intentionally, and how to really embrace whatever circumstances the Lord gives. 

When it came to singleness, I'd processed through it enough to actually feel like I had some idea what was going on. This enabled me to be able to share more freely because I thought I had a decent handle on what to share. But then, I started dating. And dating, turned into a relationship, and that relationship has progressed seamlessly into a serious relationship. I haven't known how to talk about dating because if I'm honest with you, I don't know very much about dating when it becomes a relationship. My insight at the beginning was basically, "what is Jesus telling me?" and "do I enjoy him?" Those questions then turned in to, "what is Jesus telling me?" and "do I respect and admire this man?" So basically outside of that I haven't known how to or what to write… 

But more than anything I'd like to introduce you all to Garrett, who I'll fondly refer to as "G". 

G and I met in June through match.com. My friend Lyndsey (who I'm forever grateful for) had talked me into signing up for match.com in late spring with her, and I was hesitant but willing. At dinner that night we made my profile, which is the same profile that caught G's eye. So come June, G messaged me with real questions that made him stand out amongst guys that send silly messages with little substance. Between the questions, his very diverse profile, and his military photos, I was intrigued. Thus began our correspondence. After a series of emails and texts we met up for our first date in Belton at Schoepf's Barbecue on June 30, 2013. We sat and talked for a few hours, and shut the place down. It was enjoyable, and included a very memorable moment of me trying to justify and explain my deep love for Star Wars by showing off my multiple Yoda keychains. "One is even a flashlight!" I tried to explan. Uber nerd alert. 

But G liked it! So we went out again about two weeks later, due to a long holiday weekend between our dates. He picked me up at my house in Austin, we drove around and I showed him a bit of the city, and we grabbed dinner from Whole Foods. You'd think that'd be a win except that it was about 5pm in early July on the roof of a building in Texas. I don't know why I suggested we eat on the roof, but no one else was up there, and for good reason. G sweated it out and stuck with it. We also talked about European politics over that dinner… I don't quite know what kept him coming back for more, the Yoda comment or the sweaty Euro convo? 

That night we went and saw Pacific Rim (that's right, an alien-sci-fi-world-domination movie) at the Alamo Drafthouse (one of my personal favorites in Austin). At the end of the night, he dropped me off with a hug and a "I would love to do this again soon." I wanted to too.  

So we went on dates through July, and as they grew in length, taking up full Saturdays, and thus my enjoyment of him grew. We would hike, cook, adventure together, and really just talk. And talk. And then talk some more. It was August when our relationship became solidified and then we started to share our worlds even more with each other. Me sharing my friends, and triathlons, and my family in Wichita Falls. G sharing his life in Killeen, and the Army world, and his deep passion for flying. 

So a few facts about G: 

• G is in the Army. He flys blackhawk helicopters (the picture above is definitely not a blackhawk). He is a career man, meaning he plans on being in for a LONG time. 
• G grew up in Alabama, an Army kid, and then went to college outside Nashville, pursuing music. 
• He loves music and plays multiple instruments, though I chose to not believe that for a long time because he hadn't shown me. 
• G is one of the most hard-working but laid-back people I know. 
• I love processing things with him because he has insight like no one else I know. 

When you ask me, "why haven't you blogged in three months?" it's because I've been distracted. :) In a good way. And when you look at my old blogs like this one, you can know that God really was teaching me things that have brought me to the place I am today.

 

Seasons Changing

It has been almost a month since my last post. A lot has happened. We packed. We reflected. We moved. I sit in a new house, in a new part of town, with a new season ahead. 

Being the reflector that I am, we took some time last week as roommates to think through our time in Sweetwater and to talk through what we'd like this new season of life to be like. To be honest, we weren't fully "in the mood" to remember. But we tried. Moving is exhausting. Trying to engage emotionally in the midst of all of that has been even more difficult. And then there are relationships and work and life that keep happening in the midst of it all. 

But, I know one thing. We are blessed, blessed, blessed women. We had multiple friends and family at the Sweetwater house on Friday loading a truck. Saturday at 6am we had friends and family at our new house, ready to clean (and I mean CLEAN). Some of them stayed until 11:00 pm. People came in, scrubbing floors for hours (mom), scrubbing walls and floor boards, and getting roach poop out of drawers (Lara). As PaToya and I ran to Salvation Army at one point Saturday we talked through how certain details had been taken care of throughout the day and we were in shock.

God has blessed us with dear friends and family who love and serve people so well. And as this season changes, and the Sweetwater era comes to a close, I'm reminded of one thing in particular, that God is abundant in His care. I've been amazed in the last few months at God's provision through the most unexpected of circumstances. I have tried for much of life to plan, to follow my plans, and to fight for regularity and consistency. And yet, Jesus seems to be a little more unpredictable than my plans. So instead of making rigid plans, I am choosing to follow Him into this next season of life and say that I trust Him. I trust His goodness (because by golly He gives His kids good gifts!), His provision (most recently through community and sweet relationships), and His timing (we live in a new place, who knew!?). 

And we invite you all in dear friends. Come over. Enjoy tea, or coffee, or a good paleo treat (from this gluten-free, dairy free household). We'd love to share a good conversation with you about God's goodness, His provision for us and for how He leads us into new seasons. Oh the joy of following our Savior through the seasons of life! 

Moving. Transitions. Reflecting.

If you read my last blog, then you were made aware that I am moving. I am not moving alone, absolutely not. As roommates we began discussing our current stage of life, proximity to work and social things, and made a decision as a group early in the summer to be open to moving from northwest Austin. We haven't had the capacity to go out searching for a place to live more central, but a place came to us. Basically, it's an opportunity to live across the street from some friends of ours in Tarrytown, at a bargain of a price. We are taking this opportunity to move and enjoy Austin from a different perspective. 

The facts: 

We move September 15th. The Sweetwater house is up for sale. We are moving as roommates, and made that decision together. We have loved our home. We are excited about the newness and a new season of life. 

Life lately has been extremely full for me. I've felt unable to do things I regularly do in order to make time for some of life's newest transitions. Moving is definitely one of those. Last week my mom came in town and began the process of packing and staging the home for being on the market. I haven't honestly had time to process this change, and the many other changes happening around me. I'm a processor. If you've spent my birthday or someone else's birthday with me in recent years, you know that. If you are close to me, you probably know that to a fault or have been effected by my need to process. 

For the sake of sharing, these are some of the things I like to process at transition points in life, and will be doing soon enough with the transition from the Sweetwater house. Perhaps they will stir within you a deeper desire to reflect, in order that you might remember the Lord's faithfulness throughout different seasons of your life. 

What was missing from this season as you look back?

What did you most enjoy about this season?

What did you accomplish that you are the most proud of?

What were the two or three major themes that kept recurring?

How would you describe how the Lord dealt with you through this season?

What were the major lessons you learned?

Who or what most encouraged you?

How did I steward what was given to me?

Who did I influence? Who influenced me?

Who did God put in my path that challenged me or grew me in a way I didn't expect?

Singleness can be a lot like Marriage

We are moving. It is true. The Sweetwater House era is coming to a close. I'll save that for another post. Tears will be shed. 

Learning to live alongside roommates has been a long standing lesson in my life. From the lessons learned at 2am cleaning sessions in college, to the roommate who we confronted about stealing our Skinny Cows, to being told I could do nothing to care for myself in order to learn how to rely on others. All of these, plus some, have continued to train me and force me to get outside of myself and my selfish thinking to work alongside others. 

As we plan to move, we have decided to work together to decorate. I've lived in seven locations over the last 9 years. In every single place, I've been a primary contributor to decorations and furniture. It's been in a way, "my thing." I'm also a tad bit opinionated so that has also been a major factor to how my place of residence has looked and felt over the last 9 years. This move is literally the first time that we are talking through and sorting through all of the items in our home to make decisions together. I am quickly learning how to show preferential treatment to my roommates. We created a pinterest board called "Collaborative Decorating". The four of us have different styles, and yet we are trying to work together to decorate our home. That's four people. Marriage is two. 

So why am I telling you all this?

We deeply desire to use our time as singles for God's glory. You've heard about that already. But this is honestly one of the most tangible ways we are doing this. We make life decisions together. We conflict. We communicate. We cook for each other every week. We (are learning to) share. We bring attention to things in our lives that are not ok to remain. We are not content with just living in the same place with people. From what I've been told, marriage is very similar to this. But we are single women, seeking to know one another and be known. 

We are four very different women. 

• PaToya is sassy. I mean, she'll tell you what's up real quick. And it's good. She's also ridiculous, and really specific in what she likes and doesn't like. PaToya sings too much. 
• Amanda is honest, funny and dry. She is opinionated in a good way, and those opinions tend to be different than mine, primarily about my wardrobe which she cleaned out for me three weeks ago. We share a room which provides for some lively and stimulating conversation. She also spells very well. Manders can sing. 
• Smash (Ashley) is the kindest of the bunch. She is also the most fiery. She is fierce, but in a tree hugger kind of way. Smash plays instruments. That's cool. 
• Me. Well I'm Kimbo. If you've met me or read any blog, you have a decent idea about me. But for the sake of descriptions, I'm intense and hard core about life, but also funny. Duh. I like music. 

All of us have strong opinions, especially as we know and continue to be more honest with one another. That means we can tend to conflict, especially as we share in life together and seek to put the needs of each other before our own. "Collaborative Decorating" is a board on pinterest, but it's also tangible evidence that life can be shared. Our chore wheel is the same way. Or our shared calendar. Or our meal planning for the week. We aren't content to simply live and coexist. We want to share and care for each other and be active parts of each other's lives. 

Marriage is about vulnerability and being loved despite your failings. I can honestly say that these three other women know my failings all too well. And they love me anyway. They know my quirks and stubbornness and choose to remain. They also don't allow me to remain as I am. They call me to a higher standard, but love me when I don't quite get there. Marriage is a gift, but so is singleness. If you are single and you feel as if you're missing out on something marriage could offer, then I daresay you are not embracing singleness for what it is. There is much to be learned in community with others. 

A Very Merry Birthday & the Joy of Friendships

Yesterday I turned 27. Last year I turned 26, fancy that. I wrote a blog a year ago about how amazing it is that my birthday is also Christmas in July. It's a wonderful thing, this birthday/Christmas thing I've got going. But yesterday was an insane day. Literally from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed I was bombarded with love. Here's what I mean… 

5:40 am. Woke up 

6:00 am. Camp Gladiator… that ended with popsicles! 

7:10 am. Walked into my house from Camp Gladiator to our dining room decked out in Christmas decorations with Amanda yelling "Merry Birthday!!" I was so in shock that I didn't know what to do. 

8:15 am. Roommates made a wonderful breakfast and we enjoyed talking, gluten free pancakes, coffee, all while listening to Rosie Thomas Christmas music! Best album ever. 

9:30 am. Head to work, with PaToya, which was a treat! Got a phone call with my niece Emily singing Happy Birthday!

10:00 am. Got to train new volunteers on caring for widows in East Austin through the BAGS program. Then PaToya and I, along with some other volunteers got to deliver groceries and just talk with these wonderful women!

12:30 pm. A coworker had left notes and soaps from Bath & Body Works on my desk!

1:00 pm. Took PaToya home and grabbed Kristen Howell who came in town for my birthday! Talked to my parents and heard the annual "My name is Zoom and I live on the moon" song! 

2:00 pm. Kristen, Mandi and I had lunch at The Steeping Room! Tea and best friends from college, on my birthday, in Austin!?! Seriously! How did my life get such a gift?!

4:00 pm. Kristen and I find a few new tops on sale at Anthropologie! FTW!

7:00 pm. Met a group of friends on the roof of Whole Foods and played a new game called 'Geocaching War' running around downtown looking for geocaches. So awesome! My team ran 2 miles and hated me, but we had fun! And made a friend who valets cars. 

8:30 pm. Ran into Jaquon (a friend I met through Mission Possible) in Whole Foods. Dinner and more friends on the roof! Lyndsey surprised me with my favorite dessert from Whole Foods, after seeking out suggestions and my mom's knowledge of desserts I love. 

(Please note the photo bomber... I definitely called him out on it.) 

10:30 pm. Head home and PaToya says we aren't done… 

11:00 pm. Proceed to watch "Merry Birthday" videos from friends, kids at Mission Possible, family, etc. I think it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen! And my roommates gave me a present with some of the most thoughtful, tear-jerking cards/books I've ever read by friends. If I can find a way to share these, I WILL. 

Other amazing things that didn't fit the timeline: 

• cards and presents from friends and grandparents and my sister! 
• treats at work on and getting to share words of wisdom from my past year at work (which made me laugh because I would have had to do that with Granddaddy)! 
• Voicemails and texts and Facebook messages…. 

I am honestly overwhelmed by the amount of love I have received in the last few days. If you're reading this, I'm grateful for you. Seriously. I am amazed to this day by the people in my life. You are all like family to me. Thank you for loving me like Jesus, just because. I am grateful for this life I have the privilege of living, the friends and family I have the joy of knowing and doing life with, and utlimately I am grateful for a God who gives such good gifts to His people, just because. 

Thank you for helping me celebrate another year of life and God's faithfulness.

Soli Deo Gloria. 

Happy 85th Birthday Papaw!

Today is my grandfather's 85th birthday! Isn't that amazing? I wish I was in Wichita Falls to celebrate his 85 years of life but since I can't be there, I thought I'd write from afar what he means to me!

If you haven't gathered this from previous blogs, God has blessed me with an incredible family. I know without a doubt that Papaw loves and supports me. Things I love about Papaw: He is funny and a great storyteller. Hearing stories about his days in the school system and the changes as they occurred in Wichita Falls amaze me.  His reputation for caring for people regardless of race or class in a time where that was not the norm are inspiring. His ability to connect with people and build relationships with them is something I seek to emulate.

He is a good friend and loves his family. As I get more years under my belt, I realize how important maintaining friendships is. I love that about Papaw. He has a great group of friends who all support each other and have known each other for so long. I've talked with my friends about creating consistency and regular meetings together, and it is quite difficult to do that. But I think of Papaw and their group of friends who get together and I'm challenged to make it happen and build that consistency with my friends.

Goodness. It is a gift to be a part of his family. I can't tell you how much I love who Papaw is and what having not just one but two grandfathers involved in my life has been like. That's a rarity I know and so to be raised in the same town as both my grandfather's was a HUGE gift. Happy Birthday Papaw! I love you and am so grateful to be a part of your legacy!

Camp.

Tomorrow morning I have the incredible privilege to go to summer camp once again. I have been to summer camp every year for the past 19 years. Yeesh. That's crazy just writing that. I was a Pine Cove camper for 9 summers and then after high school have been blessed to work or serve at a camp every summer since, which is 10 summers this year. So that's a lot of summer camp! 

2003: last year as a camper at Pine Cove

I can easily say my life has been changed because of my experiences at camp. It's where I truly saw people who loved Jesus and lived their lives passionately for Him, in a fresh, new way. It's where I learned who God has made me to be and been given chance after chance to live that out. It's where I met or strengthened almost all of my closest friendships. It's where I learned how to disciple others. It's where I learned how to walk in the Spirit and pray, pray, pray. It's where I've been completely spent after week 1 and yet made it through 11 weeks because of God's strength. It's where I was able to leave the country for the first time and share with others about camp! 

My college years, if you do the math, basically come out having spent 1/4 of my time at camp. That's crazy talk.

Heights Summer 2007

I went back and looked tonight at journals from my first summer going to work at Pine Cove. That was 9 years ago. This is what I wrote: 

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid of terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

I was 17 when I went to work that first summer, and was by far the youngest person on staff. I remember being so scared and feeling so young and inadequate. I think that feeling of inadequacy is a lesson I've learned from camp year after year, in every single position I've ever held. God is faithful to me to remind me that it's not about me or what I know or what I can conjure up. It's about Him. Camp is all about declaring who HE is to this world and to everyone present. In fact, life is just that too. 

Towers 2008

I'm grateful to be going to camp in the morning, feeling inadequate as always, because I know God shows up in the midst of my inadequacies! Camp Nikos is an amazing camp, full of amazing people, who walk in the Spirit and who love children! I am EAGER to see what God does this year. My 19th year at summer camp. 

Camp Nikos 2011

Killing the Dream of "Mr. Perfect" to Make Room for "Mr. Right"

So if Mr. Right reads my blogs, he's definitely freaked out after one of my latest blog posts. I mean seriously, I said that to a guy in a message. I even went back and found it for some friends the other night because that's how brutally vulnerable I feel like being these days. I don't have a plan for these blogs, but more stuff keeps coming, so take your seat at the kitchen table for this conversation. You may want to bring your hand-written notecard with "qualities you want in a husband" because we're going to work. 

I distinctly remember when I realized what I'm about to share. A guy friend and I were on a road trip and somehow we started talking about guys that I've liked. I was explaining to my friend what I've liked about different guys at different times and the qualities in them I wasn't as attracted to. I started picking different qualities from different guys and explaining how I'd like a guy with all of these hand-picked qualities in one. That's when it hit me. 

The "Mr. Right" I was hoping for was actually "Mr. Perfect"…

I had literally hand-picked the best qualities from some incredible men I know and tossed away their humanness, creating  impossible expectations for a man to live up to. Now I don't think creating a list is wrong, in and of itself. It helps with learning how to at least think through what qualities are indicative of a man who loves Jesus. It's when those qualities and lists grow a mile long and include ridiculous things. So just for kicks, I asked my roommates, what are some of those things you've said, "He couldn't be ______" or "He couldn't have ______." Now these are a random assortment of things my roommates and I have thought… and YES, these are real… I cut out the "ridiculous" ones. 

Couldn't be a businessman. 

Couldn't drive anything but a truck. 

Couldn't have bad breath. (like ever???)

Couldn't misspell words frequently. 

Couldn't have an accent. (that's right, he CAN'T have an accent)

Couldn't be clean cut/preppy. 

Couldn't have an inability to use tech devices. aka, must be able to use tech devices. 

Hilarious? Painful? Ridiculous? Serious? Yes… all of the above. Good thing we had lots of laughs over what has been true in our lives. If you want more fun, try to guess which roommate said which qualities. You can come over for tea and discuss this with us if you so choose. 

So after this realization of needing to distinguish "Mr. Right" from "Mr. Perfect", our discussions have led to me having these three thoughts:

1. Be honest with yourself. 

You know you have this picture in your head, probably similar to Noah from the Notebook depicting what you hope will happen to you. And you know you want you stinking foot to pop, like hers does in Princess Diaries. And you know that you wanna sing "Bennie and the Jets" with a guy like she does on 27 dresses. You know you want to. So stop lying to me. 

2. Be realistic. 

People aren't perfect. In all actuality, I think imperfections are one of the greatest glimpses into a person's character. Paul himself said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." We all have weaknesses and faults and that is the beauty of the Gospel… While we were YET sinners, Christ died for us… 

3. Have standards, not expectations. 

Woe is me, for I am a woman with high expectations… This is what I realized through this whole saga. What were originally solid, worthwhile standards, over time grew and expanded to became over-the-top unattainable expectations. So I have started to "cut the fat" and keep it simple when it comes to standards. And have an open mind (now that could be an entire post). 

Don't you love hanging out at our kitchen table? Would you like more hot tea? PaToya has her cinnamon goodness that she is willing to share. ;) 

3 years later...

Today marks three years since I finished the Forge. Sitting in my living room in Austin with two of my roommates, also Forge sisters, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. There are times in life that are milestones, people that are rocks, and lessons that are the foundation upon which you build your life. The Forge was a time filled with people and lessons that have literally changed my life. I can say that three years later. When you quote things you heard, or relive moments in order to glean the lessons to apply them to your days years after-the-fact… that's when you know you've experienced something different. 

The Forge is a "resident discipleship program designed to develop followers and prepare leaders for a lifetime of good works." Based on this description from the Pine Cove website, I can honestly say I learned more of how to be a follower of Jesus through this program. I also learned more of what it means for me, Kimberly, to be a leader and what it looks like to live out the identity I have because of Christ. 

I could write about the lessons I learned from the Forge. I could write about the amazing teaching and trips. I could write about the sweet additions to my book collection that I gleaned, but no. None of that. I'm more than willing to share these things, but tonight, I'm going to write about what means the most to me from my Forge experience, my family. It's been said that the Forge is an 8-month pre-marital counseling session with 24 individuals. I've never done pre-marital, but I do think I could answer those types of questions for most of the 24. That's intense. 

As I just realized, in August it will be at least four years that I've known this group of people. That's crazy! We are like long-term friends! Who knew?! But in all seriousness, I'm grateful beyond words for my Forge Family. We have been through a lot together, but more than the pain and hardship and things we've had to endure, we've experience love and what it feels like to know one another and be known. 

The love of Jesus pursues. The love of Jesus is unmerited. It's the love of Jesus that permeates this community. 

to my Dearest Forge Brothers, 

I don't think I could write what you guys mean to me without crying. You all have spoken more Truth and identity and honesty into my life than I'd ever have thought I needed to hear. On almost a daily basis, things reverberate through my heart and mind about things specifically spoken from your mouth's. When I look at our world and want to grow angry and frustrated with the lack of male leadership, I think of y'all and I have hope. Y'all are men. Strong, humble, capable men who lead like nobody's business. 

God knew when he put me in a group with you all that I needed to see that there were men my age who I respect and would follow. Y'all are those men. I hear wisdom and encouragement and am challenged by you all. I can be myself and feel no shame. I know that is the case for my sister's as well. God has used you all to be a source of healing to the women in our family and now for many of you in your marriage's. I'm so grateful to call you all family. 

and to my Beautiful Forge Sisters, 

I think back to the meeting we had in the downstairs girls, you know the one where Ashton came in upset… and then we had a come-to-Jesus moment followed by confession. Or the circle on the floor at Bethel in the spring where the Holy Spirit shouted things from my mouth. I'm honored to know each of you. 

I think about honesty and vulnerability and know that when I saw that in our group of women, it helped me to believe it could be done. That honesty in community is reproducible. I also think about all the things you all walked with me through. You all have seen a lot of my issues and know them all too well, and love me. Goodness, you all love so well. Y'all are patient, grace-filled women, who are powerhouses for the Gospel. Each of you in your own ways (which I'm grateful for) speak the Gospel with intensity. 

I'm thinking I should start a match-making service because I know some of the MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORETTES in the USA, if not the world. I'm serious. Grace-filled. Patient. God fearing. Discipleship-minded. Community tested and approved. and down right BEAUTIFUL. Guys, I have their numbers and am so not afraid to give them out (within reason). 

I got sidetracked… so to sum up. Three years after the Forge… I still LOVE my Forge Family. Some of my favorite people in the world. Tonight, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude because Jesus has allowed me to be loved and known through this community. 

On being THAT girl, THAT single girl.

If you've ever sat at our kitchen table with us, then you know one simple fact about me, I love to tell stories. My most recent blog post on Embracing Singleness was read more than I'd expected. I assumed people would like to read about singleness, but I didn't really have any idea that people would be so interested. So now that you know how I feel about it in general, I'm going to invite you over to our "kitchen table" to enjoy a few stories if you will. Stories on being THAT girl. You know, THAT single girl. 

Wedding Pains: 

As any good single woman can attest to, I've been making my way slowly but surely to the "27 dresses" category of being a bridesmaid in my fair share of weddings. At receptions, there is this wonderful thing called the "head table", potentially the worst invention by whoever invents wedding traditions. You know, the table that sometimes is the literally up front for everyone to look at, and sometimes even on a platform or stage to be more in the spotlight. 

A few weddings ago, I'm oddly positioned between married couples at this raised wedding party table because I didn't take a date. The entire wedding party has there food and we are eating and chatting and having a grand ole time at our long prominent table. Then it becomes time for dancing, and all I know is for some reason all the couples are called to the dance floor. That's not me so I just stay put and keep eating and check my phone because that's what we do these days. I then look up and realize I'm the only person left at the table in the front of the room. Everyone else is actually behind me on the dance floor. So I had to either remain with my back to the room or turn and watch. Being the sweet person I am, I turned around to watch. 

As I'm on the stage and couples are dancing by me, they start to feel for me sitting alone up there (which is seriously the worst to try to comfort other people about your situation). In an effort to compensate and try to appease my apparently distressed look for being alone, these couples start trying to make conversations with me as they dance by. The wife and I would make eye contact and then you'd see it in her face, "poor girl sitting alone up there." So she'd get her husband to dance over and maybe do a few weird circles in front of me before moving on. 

Then I started to dart my eyes around the room, only to realize that lots of other people are making weird eye contact with me. So we'd lock eyes, and I'd do that weird head nod which says, "hello, yes, hi, nice to see you too" without actually saying anything. It's then that you think, goodness gracious I am seriously THAT girl. I'm THAT single girl, on a stage, in front of everyone, at a wedding, watching all the couples dance, alone. It's weddings like that where catching the bouquet gives comfort to all those women who felt for you in your aloneness because they somehow feel buy in to the fact that you WILL be the next one to get married (though again, we single women all know that 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 bouquet catches don't really ensure a soon bouquet toss of your own). 

General Life Mishap: 

I'm not good at dating. I'm really not. In fact, my bad dating stories outweigh my good ones lots:very few. But they're funny. At our house, different roommates have different favorites, so welcome to the kitchen table. And again, go read my last post if you're feeling sorry for me. I tend to live in my strengths, so I feel like most of the things I spend my time doing are things I have some handle on in my life and feel fairly confident doing. Dating is not one of them. I have this thing with being standoffish with guys I like because I don't know how to maneuver such treacherous waters. So as I've sought to work through my shyness and quiet demeanor around guys I like, I've overcompensated a few times. Just a little bit. 

There was this wedding where one of the groomsman's parents used to be family friends with my family. This groomsman (let's call him Jeff) and I were introduced and started talking. He was a cool guy and I enjoyed talking to him. Another one of the bridesmaids started trying to play matchmaker and told me I needed to ask him to hang out with our friend group after the reception. So I went over to him as the reception was shutting down and started talking, trying to find a way to invite him to hang out with us. One of Jeff's friends then walks up and I try to bring this friend up to speed on the situation. So I casually explain how our families knew each other a long time ago and this friend says, "well aren't y'all meant to be together!" Both myself and Jeff are taken a back and somewhat flustered, so we change the topic. He doesn't end up coming to hang out but life goes on. 

So it's the following day and I'm thinking, why don't I just message him on Facebook!? Duh. Of course, I'm going back and forth in my head about what to do or what not to do and I couldn't decide if I should or shouldn't message him. As if this is some life or death situation. And I think, you know what, I've got to get over my shyness and just do it. What's it going to hurt!? So I start to write a message and I'm thinking what are some funny things or inside-ish jokes we made? Then I remember his friend's comment and think, brilliant! So I write my message and I decide to start it with, "so since we're meant to be together…" 

I don't think he got the joke. 

Lesson learned: some things you just need to run by a friend before you butcher it going rogue. Yeesh. THAT girl. For sure. 

Embracing Singleness to the Fullest

I'm single. Some days I don't want to be single. But most days I am incredibly grateful to be single. 

Why? I have had the incredible privilege to experience Jesus and community in a way that I wouldn't have been able to were it not for singleness. Period. 

This past weekend I went on a run after a few random conversations with people talking to me about relationships, singleness, married friends, etc. My dating life and relational status come up more often in conversation than I even personally think about, but I guess it's what people think to talk about. "So Kimberly, is there a guy in your life?" "So Kimberly, do you even want to be married?" All questions that I personally enjoy being asked because they remind me that God has things to teach me and use me for right now, right where I am. Single. 

So here it is…  a few ways I've experienced Jesus and community in my singleness. 

Being Known and Loved: Sweetwater House Roommates. 

When it comes to knowing Jesus in a more intimate way, I think of the women I live my life with in the Sweetwater House (both official roommates and those who are practically roommates). It started with Mandi and God using and continuing to use that friendship as a means of sanctification for me. 

Can I just say, Mandi lives in Fort Worth now with her husband and she is here in Austin for 36 hours and dropped in to our house while I was gone to work. I came home to a note on my desk which read, "I read your whole journal. We're caught up. I love you." Talk about being known. The fact that my response to that was laughter and the thought, "well that was probably the most efficient way for her to know what's going on… I wonder what it said about her?… Oh well, she loves me anyways." Also note, Smash said she read parts out loud. Welp, there ya have it folks…

Currently, I live with women more awesome than my imagination could conjure up. I have a community here in Austin that only God could have created. I've had a LOT of roommates and I've sought intentional community for a good while and even been trained on it.  But this community currently, is the most chosen, intentional, like-minded home I've ever lived in with women. 

Each night one of us cooks dinner so I eat 4 incredibly healthy, homemade meals four times a week. Last night, we as roommates sat around our kitchen table just talking about life, food (a common conversation), guys, work, family and random junk that I talk about on a very regular basis. My roommates know me. Like seriously. They know when I'm slightly off my rocker. They know what Jesus is teaching me. They know how I engage with the Lord and what stresses me out. They know how anal I am about cleaning and yet love me still. Now THAT is grace. Like seriously. 

Community is straight up tough. STRAIGHT UP. When you want to live vulnerable before people and you want to be known (which we all do) and still choose to love people, it gets tough. I can't tell you how many times I've thought/said out loud/ and heard spoken, "you don't have to earn or do something for me to love you. I love you out of the abundance that Jesus has loved me." That's the Gospel. We cannot earn it. It is a gift given to us in the midst of our inability to even kind of try to obtain it. 

The Sweetwater Community. It is hard. But man is it sweet. 

Doing Ministry out of our home. 

Since high school, God has pressed upon me to embrace singleness and use it for His purposes as it is a unique time. Here are some things from our community that encouraged me recently in this area:

1. Love Covers. Have you seen that on my Facebook? Well Love Covers is our chance once a month to open our home up to 25-30 middle school, high school and college age women to come together and talk about identity in Jesus and how that plays out. 
2. Three times a week our house is open to different small groups to open the Scriptures, talk, learn, pray and be in community. 
3. More people than I'm probably even aware of call our home a "safe place" and have access to it whenever they need. It is not uncommon to come home to someone sleeping at our place to find rest and peace. Praise Jesus! 

So singleness is all peaches?

No. Singleness is potentially one of the loneliest things people could experience. There are really hard moments. My community changes and changes pretty frequently. Transitioning out of singleness, aka dating and relationships are a stinking mess. I mean, seriously, there are multiple blogs worth of stories. 

Yet, singleness is one of the sweetest places to commune second by second with Jesus. And I mean second by second, which if I'm pretty sure is something necessary in marriage as well. So praise Jesus that I get to walk with Him through life regardless of who is around me, and yet even in the midst of changes in community, He provides people to do life with. 

So for those of you who are single and struggle some days with accepting that, welcome to the club. But remember, this is a time for God to use you and teach you. Please please please don't waste it. [on a side note, if you don't know how to use your time, come talk to me… I know tons of children and youth who could use some Godly mentoring.] 

I cannot fathom my life without this stage currently. Honestly, I feel like having experienced this stage of single adulthood, I'd have felt robbed of amazing experiences had I not had the chance. Now, I do not even come close to saying that I do singleness well or that I actually do embrace singleness to the fullest. If anything, I believe God continues to show me how He embraces me and carries me through life's stages. So in reality it's not so much about me but more about Him. He's got me. He's got you. And whether we are single or married or whatever, He is ever present and walking with us through it all! So why not embrace your today, whatever that looks like! 

Rooting for the Home Team

When I turned 25 my best friend gave me a book called Bittersweet. She marked a chapter on being 25 that I had to read excerpts from in the middle of my party. It was delightful. The writer of this book is Shauna Niequist who I deeply enjoy. She wrote two books, the other being Cold Tangerines, that both have a perspective of life and lessons that she tells as if she is talking to you over a cup of coffee. The chapters are simple and random but joyous and help you to embrace the little things in life. One topic of hers that I've been adopting over the years is the idea of a home team.

Your home team are those people who are closest to you. Your home team are the ones who no matter how much you seem to be losing in the game of life, will still root for you and believe in you. Your home team are those who you believe in and will be there for no matter how many home runs they make or how badly they strike out. 

As I get older, which is still honestly not old at all, I meet more people and life transitions and people come and go. Friends get married, they have babies and they get in the groove. Roommates change and you ebb and flow with life and I'll be frank, sometimes those changes are much harder than I'd like them to be. But the home team remains, regardless of circumstances. 

Since September my two dearest friends in Austin have both gotten married and now both moved away with their husbands. I love where God has taken them and by no means am wishing they'd have remained single and in Austin. But change is hard. One of the 5000 things I'm learning over and over since being in Austin is what it looks like to love your home team and cheer for them, even from a distance. 

God has put me in Austin for a very clear purpose. I see that more and more each day (another blog post?). But it's been hard for me the last few months to accept being out of the daily lives of those who know me the best and who I know so well. Jesus has been oh-so-faithful to be near to me these last 2.5 years in Austin as friends have changed and relationships with long-time friends have changed. You see I LOVE my home team. Quite frankly, I'd put them put against anyone's any day of the week and come out ahead. They're just that stinking awesome (and they marry well which only adds to the team)!

God has been showing me in a very real sense these last 3 months how to be open with what He is preparing me for. As those in my daily life change, God has brought old friends back into my life or radically changed friendships I've had a few years to show me that He is able to meet my needs. My home team wouldn't have grown these last few years without having to be put in places that I was uncomfortable without those who know me best. You see, God is really good at knowing what I need… and I tend to be really good at doubting that. 

My home team helps me remember. They help point me to Truth. They point out the sin in my life that I tend to disguise as "awesome". They have taught me faithfulness, vulnerability, openness, how to listen, how to love people, how to SLOW DOWN, how to just BE.

So for those of you who are still there when I don't blog, when I screen your calls, when I forget your birthdays, when I'm more honest than gentle, when I talk when I should be listening, when I make you fit my agenda, or just plain am Kimberly without Jesus, THANK YOU. Y'all are one of God's sweetest gifts and I love you deep. 

Home Team... you're the bomb.com.