Lean into it...

This is a phrase that has become almost a mantra for me lately... just "lean into it." Someone said it when we first got here in Austin and it is weird how it has stuck and applied to so many different areas of my life. So many of the things I am personally learning right now fit in the same category with this now oh-so-common phrase.

What does it mean you ask? Well, exactly what it sounds like, leaning into [blank]. Leaning into conflict resolution and honesty. Leaning into awkward conversations with people that are necessary for growth. Leaning into areas of my life that I need to work on. Leaning into relationships that need to go to the next level. Leaning into [whatever]. You fill in the blank and I am learning how to just push through the "wall" that is holding me back from being at the next step and just going for it.

Something you may or may not know about me is that I am competitive. It's true, I am. And the way that translates into my everyday life is that almost anything can become a competition. If you have ever been my roommate, you know that I time myself in the shower sometimes to see how fast I can go. I compete at dumb little things that have no reason to become a competition, I just think it's fun to challenge myself. Now... as crazy as you may already think I am... it can prove to be a bad habit of mine. You see, competitive people don't like to lose and when everything in life is a competition, I just choose not to compete in the things that have a high probability of loss. Translation: I don't put myself out there if there is a chance of failure.

This can mean many things, like I don't play sports I'm not good at. But I will play you any day in speed scrabble. I won't say I want a dream job because I don't have control over the outcome, so I may not even apply. Such a horrible thing because I am realizing there could be a list of things I've just opted out of doing simply because I'm afraid to lose (as if it is even a competition...). Refusing to put myself out there is actually the loss. Refusals to try is failure, not the outcome of the attempt. My new mantra is becoming (slowly but surely): "Success is putting yourself out there."

So Austin watch out because I am just gonna "lean into it"...