why even blog?

Blogging makes me feel defeated. A lot. Why? Because I STINK at posting. I'm even the kind of person who you'd think would blog. I have lots of opinions, I love writing and perhaps the most frustrating of them all, I have a THOUSAND things to blog about. There is just something that exists between those thoughts in my mind and the reality of them being put into type on this screen...

I know you've all been losing sleep over my lack of blogging, but just in case you're ever-so-eager to read this, you're about to get a glimpse into my world, the world of my mind. So strap in...

As I sat here about to blog about urban ministry, discipleship in Austin, community, honesty, making life decisions, etc. I instead went down this path of self defeat.

I know we all do it, have high hopes of doing this or that and then fail at it one day and just grow weary of even attempting a second go around. Personally, I've been through this overly ambitious/pitiful self-loathing process what seems like a thousand times. For me, this process is highly rampant in regards to blogging (obviously), health (primarily what I put in my body), choosing how to effectively use my time, etc.

It's such a process. If there were really a devil figure that stood on one shoulder and a white angel on the other, they'd be uber busy simply when it comes to living in guilt vs. freedom in regards to so much of life.

I'm the person who if you do something near me out of guilt, I will call you out on it and not allow you to do whatever it is that the "guilt monster" is holding over you. Freedom vs. guilt. This is such a huge topic really...

Why do we do things out of guilt? Is that a healthy motivator? What kinds of things do you beat yourself up over?

This is something I wrestle with. This is the kind of mess that my mind churns over and over and over again until I get too tired, I just don't blog. But then I feel guilty. What a sick cycle, huh!? This is something I will choose to revisit another evening this week. I'll pick this up next time.... (and not in 3 months)....

Life in Austin. Post Emerging Leaders...

I have now lived in Austin about 15 months or so. It has been an whirlwind and at the same time I feel like I've been here a long time.

Things have changed a lot since my 25th birthday. I've moved into a house with my college roommate and best friend. I stopped working at Hill Country Bible Church as an Emerging Leader. I've settled more into a life here in Austin that doesn't feel so transient. I've been working full-time at Mission Possible for 2 months now.

God has been teaching me so much these past few months. I couldn't get into it if I tried in one blog post. As always, my posts are few and far between. But the good side is that life has been treating me well. I am loving my life these days... and here is a "glimpse into my world..."

Forge friends (Jess and PaToya) a few weekends ago in Austin. PaToya was my roommate and fellow EL last year. It's been sweet to have her friendship here, as this is the first time that we get to "choose" to be friends.

Mom, Melissa, and I at Roundtop. Fun experience, horrible allergies. And I mean, HORRIBLE allergies. Don't know how I'll ever get to experience that again...

And now... a glimpse into my world of Mission Possible!

These are two of the girls (family of 4 kids) who I love dearly. I got to know them last spring. Here we are watching their oldest brother play in his middle school football game.

I got the opportunity to go to Indianapolis a few weeks ago for a Christian Community Development Association conference. This was one of the coolest things I've been to. I learned a ton, met some incredible people, and just got to experience a perspective to my job and life that I hadn't been able to before.

One of my loves: discipling teens. So one of my biggest goals is to develop a program for youth. When I stepped into this role, we didn't have this. We have a Spring and Fall Retreat for elementary age kids. This fall we invited many of our youth to be leaders. It was extremely challenging for them, but so good. We are hanging out and beginning the stages of what a youth group would look like. Pray for me and for these youth... I love them all a whole lot.

Weekly we have Big Fish Club. A program on Thursday nights for elementary kids in the neighborhoods directly by Mission Possible. We play games, have a lesson and small groups and a meal. Pray for us and for my leadership as I have big dreams for this, but also have to take it one day at a time.

Here I am with one of my dearest friends from Big Fish Club. I love these kids and all of the differences they have between each of them. His presence is a reminder for me, to look each kid in the eye and care for them. To speak identity into them and to treasure them, in every single moment.

And these are three of my youth girls... I cannot express how dear they are to me. How much I long for them to really embrace God's love and to live differently as a result of that. Pray for them. Pray for our relationships.

I know this is not much, but I hope this glimpse is enough to keep you coming back... please pray for me and my kids. I love my job because it's about them and seeing them fall in love with Jesus. And come to Austin!

My Golden Birthday!!

So I've been looking forward to THIS day for years. My Golden Birthday. Turning 25 years old on the 25th. Also Christmas in July. Also a quarter century old. AND I love my birthday. Plain and simple. It has been an incredible year. I can't get into it all here, but the things God has done in my life this past year are answers to so many prayers, testament upon testament to God's love and faithfulness.

I think back to last year, working at Pine Cove, discipling 6 incredible women. Now here I am in Austin (having almost been here a year), about to embark upon a life here... and I couldn't be more in awe of how I got here. There is a God, and He is intimately involved in the details of my life. So here is a glimpse into my world as a 24 year old...

Moved to Austin to "live on mission"... and oh the journey that has been.

Here we are, all of the Hill Country Bible Church's Emerging Leaders:

I've been able to spend time with Emily, and been dubbed "Doodo"... now such an endearing term.

Began serving at Mission Possible Austin (mpaustin.org) which began the journey for me in realizing my next step in life... to work there full-time. What a gift being in the coffee shop and with the children and teenagers has been. I am excited about this being my next step on the journey called life.

This might seem random, but I got this desk for Christmas, which is seriously one of my favorite things I own now. Many an idea have developed at this desk and many more are to come Lord willing.

Saw 2 of my best friends get married. Lauren (Muirhead) Moore and Kristen (Segulja) Howell have incredible husbands. I love that I get to live life amongst such genuine, awesome people.

Had the opportunity to serve in East Asia alongside some faithful missionaries. Realizing once again my desire for all people to hear of the Gospel.

Been BLESSED to do life once again with none other than THE Mandi Marek. We are going to be living together once again... an answer to prayer that neither of us saw coming.

Went on a family vacation to Colorado. Had an absolute blast! This is right before I smoked Zach on a black diamond. Or something like that...

Celebrated the Forge Class of 2011 graduation. It's been over a year... how crazy is that!?

Got to spend time with my parents as they now come to Austin frequently! :) This is us during a zipline canopy tour. We are so hard core.

Participated in my first sprint triathlon and LOVED it.

Strengthened so many friendships over this past year. And also dominated tubing. Nuf said.

This year has seriously been a blast, a challenge, and just an exciting time to walk with the Lord. I am excited to celebrate my golden birthday but even more excited to see where God takes me in the future. It has been a year of so many lessons... so I just am grateful for where I am and who HE is.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Just call me "DooDo"

The adventures of being an aunt... "Aunt Kimbo" as I have tried to go by... Key word there is "tried". You see my little 19-month old niece calls me "DooDo". Close? Eh... Not so much. But I'll take it! In fact, it's almost worth it to be called DooDo because she is the one saying it.

I love being an aunt. I love watching her learn 24 different family member's names and getting excited to see them all. I love that she has preferences and things unique to her and her personality. I love that she laughs at funny things and songs we make up.

Yesterday I had my first skype date with Melissa and Emmy. I think she was confused at first but quickly got a hold of it. She said, "DooDo!" and then we danced to Justin Bieber (don't judge... he sings about babies). Then we sang Itsy Bitsy Spider and played with my (ahem) stuffed animals. It was a treat. She is so precious and I just love her!

(above) we are playing with a modern day paper doll. Awesome invention.

(below) I'm just being a creeper in the car. haha. I actually didn't even know I made the photo til afterwards.

Emmy, you are such a sweet little girl. I am excited to watch you grow and be a part of your life. The day we can sit and talk about things you can't talk to your mom about anymore will be a sweet day. But I cherish these sweet "DooDo" and dancing to Bieber moments. I'll get a puppy for our next skype date. :)

A Tribute to a Hero...

Last Monday, February 28th my great-grandmother, Marie Hunter, or Nana as we called her, was able to go home. Her desire to be at home with the Lord was something we were all very aware of and any sadness was simply because we will miss her until we see her again. I don't know if I could ever express how much she taught me and challenged my faith. Her life was an incredible example of how to live every second for the glory of God. Her funeral was inspiring as so many people were touched by her life and love for Jesus.

In 2004, I was given the opportunity to write an essay answering the question, "If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?" The following is the answer I gave, that I was able to read aloud at Nana's funeral last week:

"If I were able to have lunch with any one person tomorrow it would be my great-grandmother Nana. Being 90, every time I get to see her could be my last, so any time I am allowed to spend with her would be one more cherished moment with one of the biggest influences in my life. In a time when single mothers were not very common, she raised three children in Dallas during the hard times of the 1930s and 1940s. In the midst of many hard times, she has always maintained a strong faith and an inspiring love for her family.

If I could eat lunch with her she would probably ask me one of the first things she always does, "Darlin' girl, is there a boy in your life?" I would answer as always with a humorous, "no." Of all the things she has done in her lifetime some of the few that stand out to me are how she raised her children during such hard times and what it was like to work on a Corrie Ten Boom exhibit at Dallas Baptist University. Our lunch would consist of me asking a few questions and then proceeding to listen. Her life experiences and her continual faith in God have been a witness to thousands who have crossed her path. How luck I am to have such a remarkable woman as my great-grandmother and how blessed I have been to experience her presence in my life is one thing I am currently thankful to God for. "

I hope that if I make it to be 97 or if God takes me sooner, that I will have followed her example and lived every moment for the sake of the Gospel. I am blessed to have known such a giant in the faith and to be a part of her legacy.

"Our children too shall serve Him, for they shall hear from us about the wonders of the Lord." ~Psalm 22:30